Almost every.single.thing I have ever read, listened to, or been told about mental health talks about having a support system. At some point, you may sort of tune it out, especially if you've checked the box and moved on. In my mind, a support system is the most important tool you will have in your fight to equilibrium. A support system allows you to try new medications and thought processes, and practice them around people who will support you and not excoriate you for making mistakes. I'm no sociologist, but I suspect that this is why things like AA continue to be so helpful for so many people.
What does a support system look like? I like to think of it as number of overlapping Venn diagram circles, probably resembling your social circles. For me, I would have one that is for Immediate Family, one for Close Friends/Neighbors, one for Extended Family/Family of Origin, one for Members of My Congregation, and perhaps some for different people or groups of people that relate specifically to activities that I participate in. Of course, you are absolutely not constricted by blood: we have some very dear friends and neighbors that we consider family, especially after living all across the nation. Age is also not a limiting factor: one of my very most beloved people in this world is in her 80s, and I have almost always derived a measure of satisfaction and comfort from caring for babies and young children.
I get a lot of different things from these people or groups of people. From my Family of Origin, we share a lived experience and because we are genetically related, we also share a great deal of personality and physical traits (which obviously can tie into mental health issues). From some groups I am gifted with almost unconditional acceptance (including my beloved grandma who recently passed), and from other groups I get reinforcement for many of my dreams, ambitions, and goals. Some of the people in my groups are people that I rarely have the pleasure of interacting with, but when I do, it's just like old times and I feel fulfilled from being with them. Others I see frequently, particularly in my Immediate Family (spouse and children), and they know that I am very fallible. While we have disagreements, and sometimes fights, we accept that we are on this journey together, despite mistakes we make. From those who deal with similar mental health challenges, I feel comfortable talking deeply about the medical issues and dropping some dank gallows humor. (Better to laugh than cry, am I right?!?)
One thing that can be especially hard is talking about mental health issues for the first time with someone you just met or maybe someone you've known for a long time. Being this vulnerable is super scary and I think should be done with discretion. Let's be honest: there are still many people who are stuck in the stigma of mental health and even a few that continue to shame people for behaviors, addictions and life choices, sometimes even family members. The people that you know and trust though (which might only be a spouse or a therapist) are those who will make mistakes, but overall will work hard to support you as you (and maybe they) are educated about things like therapy, medications, lifestyle changes, etc. I feel like we generally know who these people are and are often guided to those who aren't yet a part of our lives.
What if you feel like you don't have anyone? Start small, with someone you really trust. I often like to write my thoughts down in my journal--it sort of helps me gather and collate my thoughts so they are hopefully a little more articulate. This person might be a spouse, a close sibling, best friend, or even a therapist. Please allow someone in your life because working through these things doesn't really work alone. As a freakishly independent person, I can empathize with the desire to shoulder on and do it yourself. I suppose for awhile, I was able to do that off and on, but being functional isn't the same as being satisfied with life. (Please note that I didn't say endlessly happy, because life isn't an endless opioid cushion where nothing bad happens.) Read any medical literature, and they will tell you that having a support system gives you better coping skills, resilience, and even longer life, not to mention diminished mental illness. Oh, and let's not forget about pets: we know that petting an animal can literally lower blood pressure... (Had to put my plug in for my Loaf, as my groomer calls him.)
***How could you say no to this look? ;)***
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