Mental health post #5: Things That Help Me

Over the years I’ve found several things that help me to have good mental health. I like to think of them in two different categories: long-term and emergency methods. Long-term means things I need to be doing daily/weekly to do well. Emergency means things that I have to do in the short term, usually to deal with unexpected or particularly difficult life challenges. I’m just gonna go ahead and put them in numbered list form because I’m fancy like that:

*Long-term*

1. Exercise: I’m sure many of you are just sooo sick of my preaching about exercise but I will not stop until I have converted the world! I’ve been a runner off and on for about 15 years now. I chose running initially because I don’t have to drive somewhere else to participate and other than shoe purchases, it’s basically free. It takes no training and can be done almost anywhere. I grew to need running because it really calmed my anxiety down in a way that no other exercise does. Would it surprise you to know how much I hate running? How hard it was for me to get in the habit of it, especially as I went through multiple pregnancies and would be forced to quit and then remake my habits? Sadly, I am not one of those that actually likes running—I’m as lazy as a pig in a wallow. But I know how desperately I need the exercise and how important it is to me to be mentally healthy for those who depend on me. The hardest part about this method is it takes true willpower to force yourself out the door day after day. Thankfully the habit does get easier, especially after the first couple of weeks. I’ve not been able to run regularly for almost a year now, so I have replaced it with extra walking with my fuzzy sausage. It’s not as effective for me as heavy aerobic exercise, but it’s def waaaay better than no exercise.

2. Meditation: Rob touched on this in an excellent comment in a previous post. For me, meditation consists mostly of the prayers I offer throughout the day, and especially before bed. I do not believe that the benefits of meditation are restricted to the religious. I’ve heard of many who use cultural meditation practices, or even some excellent YouTube sessions. I’ve also done meditation with a therapist and it’s the darndest thing—I didn’t go to sleep, but when I came out of the deep state of being I was in, I felt so refreshed like I had taken the best mini-nap ever! When I was running consistently (6 days a week), I found that I often fell into an trance-like state in the middle of my runs. Like exercise, I believe that meditation is most effective when practiced regularly.

3. Self-reflection: this one is really a part of my form of meditation but I know many people like to separate the two. I was not born with the gift of self-reflection, but thanks to therapy (aka mostly from Derek in the early years of our marriage ) I find that it is a part of an average day for me. Why is this so important to me? Because mental health statuses change allllll the time, sometimes within a short amount of time! And if you don’t practice constant vigilance, mood can trend downward at a slow pace until you are in such a hole that it becomes difficult to extricate yourself. I’ve heard of friends who do daily or weekly check-ins with themselves. I find after some many years now that I tend to pick up pretty quickly when something is awry. Another component of this for me as a female is being aware of my menstrual cycle. You better believe that has an impact on mental health! Other cycles I keep track of include seasonal ones (since I suffer from seasonal affective disorder, aka SAD) and the normal ups and downs of societal changes like school starting or stopping, holidays approaching or ending, etc. Being introspective of these trends and cycles helps me better understand if I am experiencing something expected and transitory, or if it’s something I need to pay attention to it in case it morphs into something more serious.

4. Service: one of the great collateral damages of poor mental health, in my opinion, is the tendency to only look inward. When you are struggling, it’s impossible to look outward because all of your precious energy is being used just to stay afloat. And then when you are doing better, not only do you have the habit of looking in all the time, but you do need to be practicing regular introspection. I’ve found service to be absolutely essential to helping abate the unhealthy part of only looking in, as well as expressing a part of who my true self is. So when I find myself slipping, one of the first things I like to do is force myself to do some sort of service opportunity. No grand gestures here—it’s generally a very simple thing and it’s incredibly hard to do. It might be smiling and saying hi to someone as I walk by or running someone’s garbage out on garbage day. Sometimes it’s a note I’ve been meaning to write and putting off. Either way, it sort of jumpstarts my engine of looking outside myself.

5. Take your prescribed medication every day. Put timers on your phone and cover your home with sticky notes if you need to. Just please, for the love of all that’s holy, be consistent. Most psychiatric medication work because they are in your system for a period of time and cause beneficial changes over that time. Trust me as one who used to forget all of the time—consistency is vital here. And don’t fall into that trap if I’m feeling better, I’m cured and don’t need my medication any more. I know I struggled for a long time with significant stigma about even taking an antidepressant and rushed to get off of it ASAP the first time I took one. I’ve also struggled to find the right drug(s) for me and that takes time and patience. Don’t give up! The hard work pays off.

6. Lots of other things I can put here that are important for all humans. Don’t get too hungry or eat too much junk food—that can mess up the most stable person. Please get enough sleep! (Don’t believe me? Watch Naked & Afraid or Alone! ). Laugh a lot at yourself and the ironies of life. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Take time for self-care like reading or watching a movie or playing ultimate frisbee (you’re welcome, Derek!). Don’t spend too much time alone—I know as one with social anxiety that it can be so seductive but you know when you need to push yourself to get out there more! Feel free to post more things that help you in the comments.

*Emergency*

1. Dropping things off the to-do list: do you ever get so overwhelmed but you have all these responsibilities and you know they will sink you? Sometimes I feel trapped by this situation. And I make unreasonable demands of myself that I would never ask of someone else in my place. When those times come, I sometimes must regretfully set aside some things I wanted or planned to do. I learned it usually doesn’t have to be much—just taking one thing at a time off of my plate can make it so I can keep going a little longer before things ease. (Sometimes I can come back to that thing too.). Again with the constant vigilance. One of the trickiest parts about this is making sure that I say no when I’m asked to do something that I definitely cannot do. I’ve gotten better for sure, but it’s taken practice. I remember a time when I had 5 kids 10 and under and I was just drowning. I was asked if I wanted to help with a certain project. I really wanted to, and knew I would also make a little money. Against my better judgement I said yes. After some self-reflection I realized there was absolutely no way I could do this project and it was my duty to tell the others in charge so they could find someone else right away. It was hard to say no but my priorities are my family members and I knew I could not be the mom my kids needed without caring for myself. (I’ll refrain from using the breathing mask on airplanes metaphor. You’re welcome. )

2. Using my emergency medication: I hope I can articulate this well because I absolutely do not want to be pushing a drug that is extremely addictive and tolerance-inducing. But I cannot be frank without mentioning how important having a benzodiazepine on hand is for my mental health. I have used Ativan, Xanax, and Klonopin over the years which are all in the same drug family (benzodiazepines). I use these rarely and at very small doses. I have set limits on myself as recommended by my psychiatrists over the years. Please note that important fact: I use this drug only as it has been prescribed for me. Not only do I not want to end up addicted to a drug, but I also really don’t want to lose this tool just because I’ve built up a tolerance to it. It is important for me because my biggest single enemy is ruminating when I go to bed, and taking this infrequently helps reset my sleep patterns so I do not stay up all night or sleep fitfully with nightmares. Again I really want to stress how important it is to set limits on how you use this drug and only ever do so under the guidance of a physician. That being said: hallelujah for benzos!!

3. Ask for help: is this the hardest one on the list OR WHAT?!? Probably just my own independent nature but I still struggle with this one. I promise I’m working on it. Here’s what I think of when I dig my heels in and resist asking for help: what happened the last time you expressed true need and asked your trusted support group for help? Did they laugh at you? Turn you down? Block your texts? No, they stepped up and said things like: let’s get you home immediately before you do something drastic on your internship, or come live with me while we get you over the hump of terrible post-partum depression, or I can work at home today so you can get some errands done, etc, etc. Like I said, still working on this one, but I have learned who to trust and they have come through for me every time. Sometimes it has been hard for me to express how much I need them, but once they understand, they are there. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. And that’s what I want to address soon: my own experiences with suicidal ideation.

If you made it to the end of this, you deserve the prize of the Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me voice of your choice on your answering machine. Too bad I’m not in a position to give you this most coveted of all gifts… . Thanks for all of the kind comments. I’ve been surprised at how difficult some of this has been to share—it has meant so much that y’all have been welcoming and reassuring. Now get back to your regularly scheduled programming!

Edit: oops forgot a pic but you’re welcome I added one of end of season basil residents.