Mental health post #8: Resources for Helping

More business: If you tried to look at these on my blog (giveusprozac.blogspot.com) and it said you could not, I think I've fixed that. Please let me know if you are still having problems accessing it.

Another common question I've been asked is what can be done when someone you love is suffering from mental illness. I've thought of a few things, but I'm sure there is just so much more to this topic so PLEASE comment with things that have helped you or that you've done to help yourself or others.

1. Educate yourself: we take time to look up whether Roger Federer is married (he is) and how many kids he has (two sets of identical twin girls--girl dad for the win!), so why wouldn't we take the time to look up major symptoms of a mental health disorder? Contrary to what many pundits have claimed, there is an absolute wealth of excellent, scientifically-proven information at your literal fingertips. The key is how to search so you get relevant results, and how to know if the information you are getting is valid. How to search I leave up to you to look up (try search string: "how do a good search for medical information online"). How to know if results are valid is often the result of time spent online researching, i.e. the more time you spend searching, the better you will get at recognizing reputable names online. One big hint is whether it's showing up in the first page of results on Google (almost always your best results will be on the first Google page if you're search string isn't too wonky--Google has essentially perfected it's algorithms).

Another hint that you are on the right track is that you are seeing the same or very similar information on several sites. Here are just a few English-language sites that are some of the most well-known and respected in the US: WebMD, the MayoClinic, Healthline, NHS.uk (UK National Health Service), and the WHO (and these are just general health sites). Mental health specific sites include: NAMI.org (National Alliance on Mental Illness), NIMH.NIH.org (National Institute of Mental Health at the NIH), Psychiatry.org, PsychologyToday.com (this is a for-profit magazine, but I really like a lot of what is written in there). When you are ready to level up, you can check out Google Scholar for peer-reviewed academic articles on a huge range of sub-topics on mental health. There is SO much out there. Just remember though, that if you start reading that you can cure mental illness through jello shots or that paying $35,000 to a Nigerian prince will alleviate any psychiatric pain, you are probably in a non-legitimate corner of the internet. I should also note that you should definitely take one-person accounts (like this one) with a grain of salt. They are great jumping-off spots for beginning to learn about mental health, but they are never the end. People are individual in their experience with mental health. Quick shout-out to many fabulous books I've borrowed from the local library and tons and tons of great podcasts that talk about all aspects of mental health from the biggest celebrities to your average Jo/sephine....

2. Show compassion: even if you cannot empathize with someone, you can always show compassion for the suffering they are experiencing. Dismissing and ignoring suffering does no one any favors and can make a mentally ill person feel worse. (Not that anyone should ever take blame for another person's depression willy-nilly. I know this is hard because as a parent, I am constantly worrying that I didn't do something right that led my child to have a hard time, but it's not always your fault. In fact, it is sort of the height of narcissism for me to think that I am responsible for everything good, or bad, that my child experiences.) So saying validating things like, "I can see that you are suffering and I am sorry that it is so painful right now" or suggesting actual things that you can do ("please call me anytime about anything", or "I'm coming to weed the yard you were just saying is stressing you out"). And please, for the love of all that is holy say I love you more often. Tell your friends, your family, your coworkers, the cute dog you see on the street. We all wish we heard it more often and it's not like it isn't true. Last thing: don't wait. Say it immediately & often, say it out loud, say it with your actions.

3. Model healthy living: you know how you teach your kids to do things like brush their teeth multiple times a day, only drink in moderation, and limit sweets? And then you don't actually do those things yourself? Wanna guess which lesson they are actually going to implement in their adult lives?... Let's just dispel one big stigma right now: counseling is for everyone. It's not just for people with "problems." There is no person on this planet that couldn't benefit from counseling. And frankly, if you have a close loved one who is suffering from severe poor mental health, then then you are one of those people with a "problem." (Pardon my sarcastic quotes--I really hate the stigmas surrounding mental health and sometimes get a little heated discussing it. <<awkward smile>>) The same goes for all the other things I talked about in post #5: exercise regularly, get enough sleep, meditate, self-reflect, perform service, take your vitamins and any prescription medications as directed, and take time to laugh. Not only will you be healthier for it, but you will also be better equipped to deal with the stresses of loving and possibly caring for someone with poor mental health.

4. Practice patience: we cannot force other people to change. I love the phrase, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." At the end of the day, we do everything we can to help the person(s) we love who are struggling but we cannot force them to choose different habits or to seek medical help. It can be excruciating to witness and at times, make it difficult to maintain relationships with these people. This is where we get to practice patience, and if you are religious, pray continuously that your loved one will make choices that brings them relief from their psychological pain. I have been very proactive about trying to better my mental health, and baby, I have a long, long road ahead of me still. I'll spend my whole life working to change my behaviors and knee-jerk instincts brought on by mental illnesses. In this way, we are again showing compassion for those around us, and the same grace we hope others will show us.

*Thanks again for everyone's comments. It's overwhelming to think of how much could be written about this. This perspective is solely mine and everyone has different experiences and perceptions of mental illness, so I really appreciate how y'all have chimed in. I also want to reiterate that I am in a good place right now--I've had some comments that make me worried that some may see this as a cry for help. Believe me, posting such vulnerable things on Facebook is the LAST thing I would do if I was not feel well. So don't send casseroles (but you are welcome to drop by sugar cookies at all times for no reason... ;) ) and know that things are good right now.*